Scenes From A Weekend

Place: Going away party . The guest of honour is relocating to Vancouver, B.C. He's been asking my advice on every aspect of the transition: how to find work, should he go temp or hold out for full-time, what type of furniture to buy, should he consider a roommate. I could write a book.

SD: Hey Jay, what do you think is going to happen to me out there? How do you think I'll do?

Me (deadpan): I think you're going to get mauled by a bear.

Place: Foggy Dew pub on King Street birthday drinks with The Peterborough Two. A streetcar party/pub crawl comes in and one of the lager louts immediately makes a loud phone call.

Lout: Dude I'm so wasted we've been drinking Jamieson's all night and it's great!!! WHOOOOOO I'm so going to headbutt someone, it won't be me and I'm gonna headbutt someone tonight, some mutha is getting a big old headbutt toniiiiiiight OH YEAH Give me the intersecond (sic) and we'll hook up it's soooo great we're going to headbutt someone tonight YEAAAAHHH!!!! HEADBUTTTT!!!!

(No one was headbutted at the pub, and the pub crawl left for the next stop after 30 minutes. I had hoped to be called on to demonstrate the Scottish martial art of Feckyou, and headbutt him first. That, or walk up behind him and bounce his head off the table (a technique I learned from my friend T.)

Place: Outside Embassy Nightclub, I show up late to go in for a friend's birthday. 3 young guys are in front of me and are trying to get in, and the dress code at the bar is "Smart".

Bouncer: You guys can't get in. We have a dress code and you're not getting in wearing baggy pants and that. (indicates their golf shirts and sneakers)

Guy: So how do we gotta' dress to get in?

Bouncer (looks over, points to me): Like that guy. Come right in sir.