What I’ve Learned While Mourning David Rakoff

I am, frankly, surprised how hard David Rakoff’s death is affecting me today. I’ve been a fan of his work on This American Life, and love his charming, witty stories, as much for the content as his delivery. I’ve fallen off listening to This American Life as a regular practice lately. Just simple, embarrassing neglect really.

I hadn’t really realized how ill David was. Last week, I listened to the audio of the live This American Life episode that he participated in. The story he told, “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board”, was about his illness and what changes in life it brings, the things he misses doing. And then, suddenly, he dances, one last time, on stage. It was sweet and moving all at once and I found myself tearing up.

A week later, he’s gone. 47 years old. Cancer. And even the thought of watching the video version of David Rakoff dancing brings me to tears.

I think I figured out a big part of why I’m hit so hard by his passing. It occurred to me when I was reading this beautiful post “On Already Missing The Angry Passionate Writing of David Rakoff” by Linda Holmes. As Linda wrote:

 ”…like David Rakoff, you can also be genuine and enraged and passionate about the whole of humanity, even when (especially when) it disappoints and maddens and angers you.”

In mourning, I acknowledge I have a deep, abiding love of people like that, who are funny and passionate and all those things. I find myself drawn to people like that in my life, and admire those who are capable of being all those things. I aspire to be all those things. And David managed to do all that and for that. I thank him for making me pay closer attention to that part of myself. I will miss him terribly. 

A collection of David Rakoff’s contributions to This American Life can be found here. Spend some time listening to them. .

Spell “Beautiful”

It was my first time attending an amateur strip spelling bee. I was among friends in the audience and we laughed and drank with ease in support of our friend who was participating. The event was queer and trans-friendly, and in keeping with the spirit of the evening, the participants were an array of body types, genders, and orientations. There were 3 rounds and if the participants failed to spell their word, they were to take off a third of their clothing. A no booing and no photos policy strictly in effect. These were the rules to ensure everyone was comfortable, that everyone up there felt safe and not exploited.

Once we reached the third round, each participant who got their word wrong disrobed as much as they comfortably felt. It was, all of it, so very beautiful. Some disrobed to their underwear. Many exposed everything.

The audience cheered, and I mean true cheers of celebration and support.

And the cheers roared loud and I applauded until my hands hurt. There was one participant who exposed so very much, stood there in front of all of us, and the room exploded in the loudest cheers of the night and, in that moment, I just felt overwhelmed with how full my heart was to be in the presence of that much support and unrestrained love. It makes me well up every time I think about it because sometimes we forget how much love we are capable of as people, as human beings. And I wish so very much that more people in the world could recognize how much beauty is in the world, and to celebrate it. Confidence is sexy. Owning the way you look is sexy. Owning who you are is sexy. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.

It’s a beautiful world of beautiful people. We should do our best to keep it that way. We should do our best to let everyone be beautiful.

The year to come, or "Screw you Mayans"

First post of 2012. And, as it's on my resolutions to try to start posting on here again, the first of many I hope.

I'm going to work on being a bit more productive on here. I've been focusing on my worklife a bit more recently, but I miss this blog. So yeah, I think you'll see me on here more often.

If I had any resolution advice, it would be this:

1) Keep it achievable

Got a goal? Great! How do you plan to get their, wishing? Make a plan, break that goal into achievable small steps.

2) Don't take on too much too soon.

Ever make that resolution to hit the gym, then jump in to 3 sessions a week and give up by March? If you don't have a great track record, start slow and build up. If it's a gym program, start once a week. You'll start to feel good after a few weeks and start going more often. If it's to learn to cook, don't jump straight to stuffing a chicken. Start with the basics. A goal broken down into small parts is more likely to be completed.

3) Blab about it

We feel obligated to reach our goals if you publicize and talk about them. It makes us accountable.

4) Don't do ALL the things at once.

Related to #2, but if you have more than one resolution, who says you need to do them all right from the start of the year. Set a resolution or goal for each month or each quarter of the year. Incremental change can add up and is easier to achieve.

I've never been a self-help book guy, but if there's one book I think I'm going to be using a lot this year to reach goals, it's Nerdist Way, The: How to Reach the Next Level (In Real Life). It's a productivity book for creative nerd brained people. You know that part of you that obsesses about beating a video game or collecting things or obsessing over fantasy leaques? Why can't you apply that to the real world and gamify your life so you can view life-goals as levels, bosses, and achievements? It's written by comedian/podcaster Chris Hardwick (aka Nerdist), who has done a remarkable and inspiring job of getting his shit together from his days as a drunk slovenly former MTV gameshow host to a man doing what he loves, feeling good about himself, and providing a platform, be it book or podcast or Nerdist.com, for others to succeed.



I've chatted about it before, and you don't need to take the whole thing as "a program", but there's some great things in there about dealing with anxiety and panic attacks, ignoring self-doubt, how to map your goals, how to realistically get there, time management and finances. You take away from it the parts you find relevant. There are 3 sections: Mind, Body, and Time, but taking a browse through chapter headings may give you a clearer idea what it's about:

• RPG Your Life
• Seize Your Inner Monologue
• Choo-Choo-Choosing
• Body: The Getting Off Your Butt Part
• Becoming An Evil Genius

I've come to listen to Chris Hardwick through the Nerdist podcast, and his humour, enthusiasm, and his passionate "life is pretty amazingly phenomenal when you get off the couch and TRY" approach to life comes through his book.

I've got a notepad I'm going to work on this week, figure out what version of myself I want to be in the coming year and how to reach that place. I'll share some of that up here (see #3), some of it I won't.

Let's make it a good year.

A Broken Social Night at The Basement Revue, starring Kevin Drew as Jason Collett

What started out as an invite to check out Kevin Drew play at The Dakota Tavern turned into a remarkable night where I'm bumping elbows with some incredible musicians, drinking beer with Kevin's science teacher and parents, sharing the love of music with other fans, and generally carousing in a bar that took on the intimate feel of a kitchen party or a social. I suppose the band's called Broken Social Scene for a reason.

Jason Collett has been hosting his second annual The Basement Revue series on Tuesday nights in December at the Dakota Tavern, a gem of a downstairs bar tucked into the Dundas and Ossington neighborhood of Toronto. The shows feature Jason hosting and performing in the bar, with many friends and performers contributing. The only date he couldn't make was December 9^th, due to a previous engagement on the west coast. So for the night, hosting and performing would be Jason's bandmate in Broken Social Scene, Kevin Drew. I was given the heads-up to check out the show, as the plan sounded like it would be Kevin Drew playing with The Beauties, covering some Pavement tunes.

I made my way to the bar to take up a nice position to the left of the stage. As I sipped on my pint, I struck up a conversation with a woman who turned out to be Kevin Drew's science teacher from high school. She had come down with her co-worker to see her former student on her birthday. Her friend Lesley gave me some of the scoop on this remarkable woman, a teacher for 35 years and now the head of the Association for Canadian Educational Resources, a volunteer organization that monitors ecology and measures the impact of climate change on biodiversity. Check out the site and it's Measure Up program, which goes beyond tree planting as a “dig, plant, and walk away” activity. Retired from teaching and she's out there digging in the dirt planting trees. Brilliant.

"Kevin always was able to draw people to him, even back then."

- Alice Casselman, Kevin Drew's high school teacher.

You know how in high school, if you're luck enough, you get one of those teachers who connects with you, motivates you, has that knack for relating to students? You know, one of The Good Ones? I could immediately tell Alice was one of the good ones from the way Kevin lit up when he saw her there in the line-up. I could tell from the way she asked about what brought me to see the band tonight, and how she asked me if my love of music was something that was part of my work. She still is one of The Good Ones, because when I told her that my job didn't involve music, it left me pondering a bit afterwards.

As the bar filled up, I started recognizing a few faces in the crowd, as it seemed like there were as many musicians as fans in the Dakota that night. And I started to suspect that things would get interesting. I'm in a 200-capacity bar and I'm bumping into members of Stars, Metric, a few other musicians from the Arts and Crafts record label. Brendan Canning and Charlie Spearin and others from members Broken Social Scene were in the house. Shawn from The Beauties came by and tipped me that this would be a hell of a night. No doubt my friend. I didn't have my camera on me when I got the call about the show, so all I had was my cellphone camera to capture the night in all it's "you had to be there" glory. record label. Squeezing by to say hi to Kevin was K-OS and over there was Darcy Yates from Flash Lighting with his mighty rock and roll beard.

Kevin Drew took the stage, informed/warned us it would be a bit of a fast and loose night. First up was Kevin teamed up with a Derek Downham on drums, Charlie Spearin on guitar (I'm blanking on the second guitarist) and proceeded to pick a chord and jam for a bit - “This is a C jam”. When asked for an impromptu name for the band, the shout came back “The Jason Collett Band”. I think I would have gone with Alice's Birthday. Kevin played a couple bars of a Smashing Pumpkins, lamenting the fact that he used to love them and now Billy Corgan just harrasses the crowd at his shows, only playing the new material that's a shallow imitation of the band Kevin and many of us loved.

I was introduced to Kevin Drew's parents at one point, very friendly people. His dad said that at some point his name was changed to “Kevin Drew's Dad”. I didn't get the chance to ask anyone if the were looking forwards to seeing David Drew's Son play that night. I chatted with new friends about that first time we heard Broken Social Scene's 2002 album “You Forgot It In People”, one of those album you hear and nothing is quite the same after that.

From there, things started to pick up steam as an indie rock variety revue developed. Gentleman Reg took the stage and played a lingering cover of Wicked Games by Chris Isaak. Jimmy Shaw from Metric got on the stand-up piano tucked into the side of the stage and played Nobody Home from Pink Floyd's "The Wall". Musicians would be called to the stage, only for Kevin to discover they'd snuck out to The Communist Daughter, another well-loved little bar just across the street. It happened so often, I pronounced the Commie as the unofficial Green Room for the night.

Kevin Drew and Amy Millan

Amy Millan from Stars was found and did a few numbers, and oh Lord what a voice. Derek Downham kept getting called back to the stage to drum with one musician or another he used to play with. Poet Mark Goldstein of Bookthug publishers read a poem or two. Jimmy Shaw teamed up with Torq Campbell from Stars for a number. Here before us were musicians playing for the love of music, no albums being pushed, no merchandise table in sight.

A Broken Social Scene erupts

Inevitably, it was time for a game of “how many indie musicians can you fit on a stage” as Broken Social Scene formed on stage for a few songs with Torq on trumpet, Justin Peroff on drums, Lisa Lobsinger singing. The beauty of a collective like Broken Social Scene is it can form with whomever is at hand. The crowd, mesmerized by the intimacy of the first half of the night, were dancing and singing along as Broken Social Scene played Shoreline and Love is New.

The Beauties

Things got euphoric, things got hazy at that point. I remember Kevin teamed up with The Beauties for a cover of Pavement's Gold Soundz that had me grinning and whooping. The Beauties proceeded to knock out the crowd with a few songs of their own like Die Die Die before killing with a version of the Velvet Underground's I'm Waiting For The Man that drove the energy in the bar up until you thought it would explode.

As the night wound down, I remember Bill Priddle jamming with Kevin. I remember Bill from Treble Charger (he wrote Red among other songs and left in 2003), Broken Social Scene and now in The Bill Priddle Concern. The night closed out with Kevin noodling on drums, and then he came by, shaking hands and, thanking us for sticking around for the whole show. I thanked him, because I can't conceive how you could duplicate that sort of night.

Torq Campbell and Jimmy Shaw

I left that bar after last call, walked into the night thinking about what I learned that night and thinking about some potential that's waiting for me. Like I said earlier, nothing was really the same after I heard Broken Social Scene's album "You Forgot It In People" back in 2002. I dug out my worn and loved CD today and noticed the album was dedicated "for our friends, families and loves." That Tuesday night at The Dakota Tavern, I got to see exactly where that dedication came from, whether it was meeting teachers and parents that influenced these musicians, seeing old bandmates get together again, or hearing these performers cover songs that they love enough to honor in tribute. Know what you love, remember where you came from, and acknowledge the people you draw strength from. All that and some good music will get you through the night.

Jason Collett returns to host The Basement Revue this Tuesday. The shows are sold out but if you can wrangle a ticket, I strongly encourage you to go: you never know who's going to drop in. Stars have just finished a 3 night stand in Toronto and are looking to go back to the studio. Kevin Drew and the rest of Broken Social Scene is making the trip to New York City to play The Late Show with David Letterman on Wednesday night (reminding me of seeing them on Conan O'Brien a few years back, where Conan came on stage after to cry out “I think we need more guitars!”). Gentleman Reg just put out a single for the first time on vinyl, and look for his new album in the new year, along with Metric's next disc. The Beauties play Sunday nights at The Dakota Tavern and have a 4-track EP “Die Die Die” out now.

All pictures copyright the2scoops - Flickr here

A beautifully Broken Modest Social Metric Mouse Scene show

It seemed like Rita's Broken Social Birthday Party as Broken Social Scene took over the Sound Academy for the second of a two-night hometown stint on Friday November 28. Broken Social Scene came on to play for about 3 hours, with Scene-sters Emily Haines and Jimmy Shaw of Metric making a welcome return. A jaw-dropping surprise came as Isaac Brock of Modest Mouse took the lead for a few tunes with BSS. The celebratory feeling in the air coincided with my friend's birthday that night, making us feel like it was just one big indie-rock birthday party for Ms. Rita, with a balloon drop at the show, drinks at The Dakota and a stop in Chinatown for food at 4am.

The Beauties opened the night with the crowds pouring in, wailing away on tunes like "Wastin' Time" and feel good rockers like "Die Die Die" and "Baby Outta Jail. They looked to be having a blast, celebrating the release of their 4-track EP, playing that wild bar-frenzy of bluegrass/rock/rockabilly/punk. A brilliant cover of the Velvet Underground's "I'm Waiting for The Man" led to a closing jam with guests Serena Ryder and Lisa Lobsinger joining trumpet player Michael Louis Johnson for "Do What You Do". For more of The Beauties, be sure to drop in at The Dakota Tavern for their weekly Sunday night barn burner.

As the opening bars of the Top Gun theme played (yes really), Broken Social Scene took to the stage, and didn't stop for about 3 hours. Broken Social Scene is a beautiful, shambling beast with upwards of 20 musicians, each with their own bands and solo albums, coming together to make something wonderful. Members of Metric, Stars, Do Make Think Say, as well as artists like Apostle of Hustle, Feist, Kevin Drew, Jason Collett, and Brendan Canning are all part of the group, and the live shows are always a treat as whomever isn't in the studio or touring themselves tends to show up. One of my favourite "everything is different once I've heard it" albums is Broken Social Scene's "You Forgot it In People"(2002), like nothing I'd heard of at the time. Seeing them play those songs live just gets me every time.

The set roamed through K/C Accidental and Fire Eye'd Boy, then we started detouring as different members of BSS took turns playing one of their songs. I love that each artist has their own sound, but manage to come together in Broken Social Scene to make something completely different. The air was charged with the sense that it was a special night, with balloons suspended from the ceiling. We were lead in cathartic screams to release all that we held inside, Kevin Drew was funny as he picked on the chatterboxes in the crowd and the VIP deck. And it was a celebration that night, as the band was playing without necessarily plugging any one current project or album. Everyone was just having a good time.

At times upwards of 20 musicians were on stage, with 5 guitars and full brass blazing away in frenetic anthemic rock. And then Kevin introduces a guest. It's Issac freaking Brock from Modest Mouse. He comes on and they all play "The Good Times Are Killing Me", which makes a pretty good theme to the night.

A few songs later and the next surprise as Emily Haines of Metric appeared! She's been part of BSS for years, but has been on the road and in the studio with her own band Metric. Her vocals paired with Julie Penners violin made "Anthem for a Seventeen-Year Old Girl" a highlight of the night.

A quick costume change, and then Brendan Canning came back out bedazzling in gold sequin gym shorts for a grooving disco-rific "Love is New".

We were encourage to scream - take everything that holds you back, holds you down, makes you anything less than you, and scream that shit out.

The night culminated in a balloon drop during "Ibi Dreams of Pavement". I've seen Broken Social Scene play a number of times, and this was one of their best nights.

An appreciative band wrapped up the night, followed by Brendan Canning and a few others came out after most of the crowd cleared out to thank those of us who stuck around. Rita told him "It's my birthday" to which he answered with a kiss of the hand. Class act that guy.

We left the club elated, alive, and ready for whatever happens next.

My photo sets:
The Beauties at Sound Academy

Broken Social Scene at Sound Academy

Setlist: Broken Social Scene Setlist Sound Academy, Toronto, Canada 2008 setlist.fm

And a good video collage of the show:

File this under "Minor Miracle"

Toronto Star: Buffalo Bill with spinal injury may walk
MATT HIGGINS Sep. 12, 2007
Two days after he was paralyzed during a game, and one day after doctors described his condition as potentially life-threatening, Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett was moving his arms and legs yesterday.(more at The Star)

Very very fortunate for NFL player Kevin Everett. I saw a video of the hit and it looked horrible. It is miraculous he has any feeling in his arms and legs, let alone movement.

This is a good opportunity to point you towards the good folks at Canadian Spinal Research Organization could always use donations and attention.

The CSRO is dedicated to the improvement of the physical quality of life for persons with a spinal cord injury and those with related neurological deficits, through targeted medical and scientific research. The CSRO is also committed to the reduction of spinal cord injuries through awareness programs for the general public and prevention programs for targeted groups.

I spent some time working at the CSRO office when I was 20. I hadn't had a lot of life experience at that point, so it was really eye opening to spend time with para and quadriplegics. On the one hand you see how random life can be, hearing how different people ended up in their wheelchair. I learned about the different degrees of spinal cord injuries, the research being done to improve the quality of life, and the adjustments those with spinal cord injuries have to make to be able to do everyday things. I also learned about coping through humanity and humour, and that you don't have to treat someone like a delicate pieces of glass just because they're in a wheelchair. And all that 10 years before the documentary Murderball made the same points.

I confess one of my more humbling moments occurred when I was talking about blood donations with a co-worker at CSRO, and how I had never gone to one because I wasn't comfortable with needles. My co-worker then casually mention how many pints of blood he went through in his last round of surgery. I shut the hell up at that point and have since gotten over the minor discomfort of a needle. That's when I learned that whatever I perceive as a hardship is usually really minor when compared to actual genuine problems. It's formed a bit of my philosophy to this day - keep things in perespective.

Link: Canadian Blood Donor Services

Scenes From A Weekend

Place: Going away party . The guest of honour is relocating to Vancouver, B.C. He's been asking my advice on every aspect of the transition: how to find work, should he go temp or hold out for full-time, what type of furniture to buy, should he consider a roommate. I could write a book.

SD: Hey Jay, what do you think is going to happen to me out there? How do you think I'll do?

Me (deadpan): I think you're going to get mauled by a bear.

Place: Foggy Dew pub on King Street birthday drinks with The Peterborough Two. A streetcar party/pub crawl comes in and one of the lager louts immediately makes a loud phone call.

Lout: Dude I'm so wasted we've been drinking Jamieson's all night and it's great!!! WHOOOOOO I'm so going to headbutt someone, it won't be me and I'm gonna headbutt someone tonight, some mutha is getting a big old headbutt toniiiiiiight OH YEAH Give me the intersecond (sic) and we'll hook up it's soooo great we're going to headbutt someone tonight YEAAAAHHH!!!! HEADBUTTTT!!!!

(No one was headbutted at the pub, and the pub crawl left for the next stop after 30 minutes. I had hoped to be called on to demonstrate the Scottish martial art of Feckyou, and headbutt him first. That, or walk up behind him and bounce his head off the table (a technique I learned from my friend T.)

Place: Outside Embassy Nightclub, I show up late to go in for a friend's birthday. 3 young guys are in front of me and are trying to get in, and the dress code at the bar is "Smart".

Bouncer: You guys can't get in. We have a dress code and you're not getting in wearing baggy pants and that. (indicates their golf shirts and sneakers)

Guy: So how do we gotta' dress to get in?

Bouncer (looks over, points to me): Like that guy. Come right in sir.

Achtung Baby

I stumbled onto something funny today. While flipping through the Entertainment Weekly website, I discovered I've been quoted sort of. Click here to take a look.

I had responded to this thread on "Your Great Pop Culture Regrets and Missed Opportunities". A week later, I've found my comment has been used in a photo gallery on the site that basically picked a dozen comments and put them with accompanying photos.

What was the anecdote?

The story goes that when I was in high school, I had a pair of tickets to go see U2 on their first round of the Zoo TV tour. It would have been early 1992, the "Achtung Baby" album was huge, and they were playing Maple Leaf Gardens.

The problem was me. I was pretty insecure as a teenager, so I waited until the last minute to ask someone to go. Everyone I asked couldn't make it, girls and "just friends" alike. I thought about asking this one girl from work. She had been the target of my misplaced, socially inept teenage affection. That is to say, I had a big old crush on that girl. But as a teenager, I didn't resemble the more confident gentleman caller you know today. It was a harmless crush, but I had a tendency to feel clumsy or goofy, saying the wrong thing if I managed to blurt out anything at all. Anytime I was around her, my brain would short out.

I knew U2 was her favourite band and I think I remember giving her a cassette of "Achtung Baby" for her birthday. But with days before the concert, I chickened out and never asked her. I had never seen an 80s teen movie, so how was I to know the geek could get the girl? I ended up selling the tickets to a classmate at face value and never saw the show.

The two punchlines:

#1 - The opening band, who I had never heard of at that point, were The Pixies. Seeing the Pixies (and U2 for that matter) in their prime would have been great.

#2 - Months later, that crush girl gave me a ride home from work one night. We got around to talking about that show and how I had sold the tickets. She said "I would have gone with you if you had asked."

Normally I say "Ha! Good one God, you got me again." But you know, that was my own damned fault, wasn't it?

The lesson, albeit years later, has been learned: I don't want to miss out on anything just because I didn't ask, or because I was too self-conscious to go by myself.

It's not "Degrassi Junior High" quality drama, more of a "Wonder Years" episode: just a story about a shy teenager, and the dumb things kids do.

"Hi, I'm Tim's friend, Dave."

I had some options to spend Saturday evening. After briefly considering going over to the Canadian Walk of Fame induction ceremony so I could toss whiskey bottles at Nickelback, I decided I'd start off a NXNE concert crawl with an 8pm show at the El Mocambo. My blog-buddy Tim (Broken Engine) Knight was playing a final last gig. You see, the band he's in, +nurse (the "+" is silent), had played a last gig at The Gladstone Hotel last month. But then a request for +nurse to play a showcase for NXNE came through, and faster than you could say "Cher" (or "the cheque cleared"), the band was back for one more go.

I just had to point out how much I loved Tim's description of the band. He submitted it to NOW Magazine with no idea it would be printed verbatim:

"+nurse - Think Radiohead and Interpol playing euchre against U2 and Coldplay. They're ALL cheating, and eventually someone pulls a knife. Drama and tragedy ensue."

Yeah, that was strangely accurate.

It was a great show, a pretty good turnout for a relatively early slot. A few folks asked where they could see +nurse again, but Tim told them it was the last gig. Whenever someone asked Tim why he was calling it quit, he'd say "Because..." and point to his t-shirt which read:

"I Love My Wife"

Or more accurately, this is why.

I planned to say hi to Tim after the gig, check out some more shows.

Then Tim and I went for drinks. Oy.

Now THAT was a fun night, as we bounded between the ElMo and the Red Room for pints with some of his friends. Tim tried to set me up with every girl on the block, usually starting off by introducing me as his friend "Dave". This is apparently supposed to lead to me chatting up the girl, and if she seems interested, then I say who I really am. Tim did fail to mention my "reasons" for a fake name, but I went with the mysteriously ambiguous "keeping a low profile at the festival" line.

So pint pint pint, laughs about music and soccer, pint pint pint, laughs with some new mates. Went back and forth between bars, was back in the ElMo and caught The Brown Brigade. Unbeknownst to me, that's the new band that Dave "Brownsound" Baksh the former guitarist from Sum41 now fronts, and they weren't bad at all.

Eventually Tim and I ended up at the Torontoist BBQ where I had the chance to meet some more fun people whose blogging I've been reading for the past year or so. Tim and Marc shared memories about the show "Battle of the Planets" over the embers of the BBQ, where I was reassured they had only recently sacrificed a small orphan child. Because that's how bloggers roll. Mind you they were still bloggers, so it was a free-range orphan.*

Tim left to hit the ElMo, I stuck around the BBQ a bit longer and then made the long trek back to Richmond Hill, lest I find myself in Newmarket again at 3 in the morning.

All in all, a great night. I never ended up seeing any other bands, but I didn't mind one bit. how could I with the prospect of more pints, more laughs, some BBQ and some Wii on the horizon? For that, I could be "Dave".

*no, not really. silly buggers.

Exercise may kill me

Here's our Silly Jason story for the day.

I accidentally took a step class yesterday.

Goodlife was holding a group exercise extravaganza, where they group 3 condensed classes together, show some new moves. I figured it's a good chance to incorporate a class into my gym routine, so I thought I was taking part in a "sampler-pack" beginners type of thing. What better way to attempt my first group exercise class. Ever. I mean, ever: to get cover the gym requirement for my high school diploma, I took racquet sports (any one for badminton?)

What I failed to realize is that I could have come in later for the section of the class I was interested in, not necessarily stick around for the whole thing 90 minutes.

The first 30 minutes was Step Class. I did not know that was part of the deal.

Let the comedy commence:

First Thought: Uh-oh, I'm the only guy in here.

Second Thought: Hey, I'm the only guy in here!

Third Thought: I’ve climbed stairs before, this should be a piece of cake.

Fourth Thought: Left, right, spin, lift.... um, this is going to take some coordination.

Fifth Thought: What was that she yelled, double time quick march?

Final thought: ow ow ow fricking ow

It was not pretty.

I stuck it out all the way through, while trying not to notice how I looked "stepping" in the mirror of the fitness studio. I am not a graceful man. I mean, I wasn't expecting to move like Muhammed Ali, but damn. And as a man, apparently I also don't follow directions well. At least not at full speed. I'm not sure this bodes well for salsa night.

After 30 minutes, the next class began, the one I was interested in:

"Body Pump is a barbell-training class designed to give you maximum results in
the shortest amount of time. Low on complexity, but high on fun"

Low complexity? Sounds right up my alley.

I made it through that stage of the class, burning through that necessary evil of workouts, the squat. You use a barbell with low weights and deliberate movement to achieve your results, pretty straight forward. I'm probably going to go back again.

But feeling good about that led to me getting cocky and sticking around for Body Combat:

BODYCOMBAT is the empowering cardio workout that totally unleashes your energy. This program is inspired by the martial arts and draws from a wide array of disciplines such as karate, boxing, taekwondo, tai chi and muay thai.

Uh-oh. Again.

Um, I apparently don't know how to roundhouse kick. Imagine a drunken mule trying to ballet dance, and that was how I pictured myself. One full kick and I pulled a calf muscle.

I stuck it out for the rest of the session, doing the punches and the the cardio stuff: running on the spot, jumping jacks, etc.

Conclusions:

I will definitely try the Body Pump again, maybe once or twice a week. And step class is definitely not for me. The class were a great change of pace, but I am glad I worked out for a few weeks before attempting one cold. The instructors were accommodating and gave me some pointers for next time. Hey, attractive fitness instructors dig effort, right?*

The next thing I want to do is figure out a way to improve my coordination. I now recall that was the main hurdle in gym classes. Well, that and actual hurdles. #(*%ing high jump.

Any suggestions at improving coordination and balance? The only things that came to mind are a dance class or boxing.

*Fitness instructors are in a generally higher level of the dating hierarchy. Also included: attractive bartenders and Mac Cosmetic staff.

Alex, I'll take obscure 80s movies for $300

Well, THAT was the last film I ever thought I'd reference in a conversation:

Jason: ...so I'm looking for why we're overbudget.

Rando: (joking) What if you find out it's going to some off-shore account?

Jason: Well then I expect to be lured to a party at a beachfront house where I'll be whacked.

Rando: Huh?

Jason: It's how Weekend at Bernie's starts. Jonathan Silverman and Andrew McCarthy are accountants who find out someone's embezzeling funds, but don't know it's their boss, Bernie, who invites them to his house for a party where he's going to have them killed, but through a comic turn of events, Bernie gets killed and...

Rando: (blank stare)

Jason: Oh God, I just compared something in my life to Weekend at Bernie's...

Number 11 - I Have Never Shot A Man In Reno, Just To Watch Him Die

I just discovered Facebook last week, and it's addictive. Most of the folks I've been in touch with are high school friends I haven't seen in a decade. The site is like a yearbook crammed with the past 10 years of our lives.

For the benefit of those who haven't seen me in a while, here is a quick catch-up primer of me:

Things I Have Done Since High School

1. Gained the ability to grow and maintain facial hair. Learned how to shave it off too.
2. Contemplated a tattoo. Still thinking.
3. Subscribed to Esquire and GQ and finally figured out how to dress myself .
4. Developed an appreciation of good beer, wine, and gin & tonic.
5. Learned to cook well, and to follow a recipe.
6. Attended the Toronto Film Festival several times and grew to appreciate different genres of film. Except for that odd French one. That was unpleasant.
7. Learned how to play poker.
8. Become internet savvy.
9. Changed from "not a sports person" to "casual sports guy who enjoyed the FIFA World Cup enough last year and yelled at the TV several times" .
10. Learned to appreciate many different types of music, and to make an effort to support local acts.

Things I Have Not Done Since High School

1. Grown a mullet .
2. Gotten a piercing (I'm leaving life with the same number of holes I came in with. Unless I get shot).
3. Have never subscribed to Guns & Ammos, People, or Cat Fancier.
4. Developed a hardcore drug addiction. I know Trainspotting made it look glamourous, but those episodes of Party of Five scared me straight.
5. Learned how to cook rice properly on a stovetop without burning it. Thank god for rice cookers.
6. Appeared in adult films, no matter how "artistic" I was told it would be.
7. Have not learned how to win at poker.
8. Have not become a World of Warcraft addict, no matter how much fun staring into a computer screen for 8 hours straight and screaming "I pwned you Elven byatch!" appears to be.
9. Figured out how to shoot pool without ricocheting a cue ball off the table at least once per night.
10. Ever enjoyed Nickleback. Not once.

I must be up to "Jason version 4.0" by now...

The big thing I've been doing in that last 2 months is that I dove headlong into renovating myself: tear it down and build it up again. I've gone off and on the idea of getting fit, but after New Year's and my birthday I decided to make an effort. To be specific, it was a moment when I saw some pictures from the holiday and realized that I wasn't happy with the shape I was in: rounded. I've never been 100% comfortable with my body (yes, men have body issues too), and now is the time to take action, to reinvent a new version of me.

• I try to keep track of calories using a calorie counter, keeping to around 2000 a day. It's not a compulsive bite by bite analysis, but the odd day here and there, I enter everything I ate and get a framework to go from. An "at rest/sedentary" person of my age uses about 1800, so if I aim for 2000 with an active lifestyle (which uses about 2300), that should prompt the weight loss. Holy crap, I have an active lifestyle.
• Part of that lifestyle comes from going to the gym 5 - 6 days a week now. One day full core training workout plus 30 minutes of cardio, second day is all cardio, and alternate with one day off to rest. I hope to mix a group class into there too, once I feel confident I can keep up. Building muscle is just basically tearing the muscle and giving it time to repair itself better than before, so rest is important.
• I use Canada's Food Guide to map out how to cover all the food groups, with emphasis on whole grains, fruit and veg, and good cuts of meat.
• I'm not on a diet, because diets are are limited in expectations and scope. You can't stick to a diet like South Beach or Atkins for your entire life, I think it's unrealistic. I just do a little research, cut out processed "ready to eat" meals (most are quite high in sodium), and fatty foods. The odd day off the plan is allowed, usually if I am eating out at a good restaurant or having a pint. I make up for it the next day. I don't want to live longer if I can't enjoy a good piece of cheese or the occasional scoop of ice cream.
• I drink 2 litres of water per day. Good for the body, good for the skin. I've cut out soda pop (just a concentrated sugar delivery system). This switch alone can shave a pound or two off the average person.
• Of course I have playlists set up in the iPod to keep me motivated while I workout, especially for cardio, where I tend to get bored. This ALOTT5MA article has good recommendations for what songs are ideal for working out, and has some song suggestions. I am citing this as the reasons that I have Kylie Minogue's "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" on my iPod. Stop judging me Judgy McJudgerson.
• I still have pain in my left foot when I run and weakness in that ankle, so until I see an orthopedist I do my cardio on the elliptical machines, 30 - 45 minutes.
  

The best way for me to get into things like this is to get obsessed with it, make fitness a hobby. As the crate of E-Bay obtained Simpsons figures sitting in the basement attests to, I can get quite involved when I get fixed on a hobby/goal.

I set out and timed everything out: I had my annual physical set up the weekend before I started at a gym. Whenever I asked my doctor about an ache or pain that I had, and the answer came back "dropping weight would change that", I was able to come back "I'm on it". Now I have some stats to use as a starting point. If there's one thing we neurotic geeks like, it's stats.

I did my research and decided to join Goodlife Fitness. I've had bad experiences with other clubs that screwed me over when I tried to quit or take time off, and others where I've felt too much of a "jock" atmosphere to feel comfortable. Goodlife was quite good at getting me started: I caught the end of the January New Year's special so it was only $1.00 to join, with no initiation or starting fees. They also had a start-up special where I received 6 sessions with a trainer for $120, where we set up a workout, looked at body composition, measurements and nutrition, and got everything in motion.

They bill by-weekly and the membership at one club gets you access to all the clubs in the chain, something that appealed to me because I commute. The only hiccup was that I've found the Union Station club, where I get my train home, is at a higher membership level. I've since transferred the membership down here and found that I am going to the gym far more frequently, as I finish work, go to gym, and then get the late train home.

All told, I seem to be doing well. I had a brief lapse when, after a week of fitness and nutrition, my body rebelled and caught a bad case of the flu. I guess the reduction in fats and increase in oxygen in the blood startled my system into shock. "Dude! What the hell is this?", and it went into a reset mode that knocked me out for a week or so. Nutrition was fine, but it was 2 weeks before I was back at the gym.

Here I am then, about a month and a half (a month if you cut out the sick time) and I feel and look better. Some of the various aches and pains have disappeared, my back is getting better. I dropped 7 lbs. so far, not counting the increase of muscle mass. Yes, I now have muscle mass. And lung capacity. And blood flow. Awesome.

I'll put an update up here once in a while. Accountability improves my commitment to this fitness plan. If anyone wants some tips, fitness playlists of music, or a reference to check out Goodlife, drop me a line.

Cracking Craigslist

I was at a family dinner last night, and I ended up explaining about Craigslist, the free online community billboard (Wiki). It's essentially a free community billboard, full of job ads, items for sale, houses and apartments, personal ads, just about anything really. It's how I found those last two roommates and I had a much better return rate than paying for ads in the local papers.

Somehow the conversation turned to my family asking why I wasn't in a computer-related job field. Apparently the fact that I know how to find North America's 8th most popular website should translate into some sort of income generating business (yes, it's called "Google"). Then I was asked how come I hadn't thought of it first. I decided not to get into a "no one gets rich off a free public forum", and fortunately their attention returned to Entertainment Tonight and the search for Anna Nicole's baby's daddy.

The Get and The Gotten

Perception:

I come into the office this morning. I'm wearing the same clothes as the day before, and humming Steady As She Goes by The Raconteurs. I'm practically glowing, with a bounce in my step. Draw your conclusions.

Reality:

I went for dinner with friends last night. A long evening of food and wine led to me crashing in their guest room. I rode the subway into work this morning with one of my friends, and we laughed all the way as we re-lived some of the previous night's details. I came out of Union Station to find the weather was beautiful, the sky clear, and the sun bright. It was the first time in months that it was nice enough to walk the route from the station to work outside rather than the commuter tunnels. I arrive at work, get my spare sweater and bathroom kit I keep in my desk. I change, freshen up and I'm good to go. Steady as she goes indeed.

Secret Origins

Why do I go by the2scoops?

2 Scoops (Two Scoops) was a nickname Randy gave me back in high school. Back before there was the internet, you'd have to read magazines and newspapers to know what was going on, and I always seemed to have the scoop on bands, TV shows and news around school. And that evolved into 2 scoops, "one scoop intelligence, the other scoop was wit". We were bored in Geography and wrote a theme song. No, I don't have an Mp3.

When I started an email account, Two Scoops was taken, so I went with the2scoops. And it stuck. It's a way to establish a bit more of a unique web presence, as there are several Jason Carlin's with higher web profiles.

What's Pepperpot?

Pepperpot is a meat stew, stewed meat dish, strongly flavoured with cinnamon, hot peppers, and Cassareep - a special sauce made from the Cassava Root. It's from Guyana, usually served around holidays, and can be made up of all types of meat, but usually pork or beef. The meat cuts are usually odds and ends, hence why I use it to label my posts that are just a bunch of odds and ends with some flavour.

Why are my TV news posts labeled "Teeth on The Dial"?

Before TV's had remote controls as a standard, we turned the channels using things called "knobs" or "dials". When I was a child, about 3 or 4, I lacked the strength to manipulate and turn the dial by hand. And dammit, nothing was going to stop me from watching Captain Kangaroo, Barbapapa or Sesame Street. I found if I bit down on the channel dial, which was at about head height, I could use the rest of my body to torque and turn the channel. This went on for about a year, and over time the channel dial became covered in bite marks.

Happy Single-Person's Awareness Day

Valentine's Day began with a co-worker gushing how this was a day to celebrate love. I rolled my eyes and shrugged.

"You young people have no sense of romance", she said.

I made it clear that I consider myself a pretty romantic guy; I also know that I've had more Valentine's Days as a singleton than in a relationship. I don't hate Valentine's Day, I hate history.

I'm not too fond of the many expectations that come with this all-so Hallmark of holidays. There's pressure on men to really come through on Valentine's Day. Every newscaster started their Valentine's stories with "Well guys, we bet you still managed to screw this up" or a similar sentiment. As if we didn't know that giving a certificate that's redeemable for "The Best Loving You Ever Got" won't cut it. Umm, we guys do know that, right? Because despite the calendars and the gentle reminders, there was still a deep line-up Valentine's afternoon at the florist counter of the supermarket.

And then my friend mentioned that today marks 8 years for her and her now-hubby, and since I'm happy for her, I suppose I can at least celebrate someone else's love.

My original singleton plans were to go home, drink a bottle of wine and watch High Fidelity, but I thought better of it. Instead I used being single as motivation at the gym:

"....12...I'll show that....13....woman what she....14....is missing....15....and next time...16...she sees me...17...I'll be...18...firm like mutton...19..."

Needless to say with so much angst for fuel, I'm hobbling around in pain already.

So as a singleton, what is the rule about dates and v-day? More to the point, first dates or early dates?

As an example of what can go wrong, The Office had a funny bit where Ryan realizes in horror that he hooked up with needy coworker Kelly the day before Valentine's Day .

Singles events on Valentine's Day are tainted with this air of expectation and desperation, so I don't recommend that as being too healthy. There's that sense of "I have nothing better to do, so I'll do you". V-Day is also a time when guys cruise bars for lonely vulnerable women, like a National Bridesmaid day.

If you choose to embrace your inner Bitter Bastard, I'd suggest getting some other singletons together and hold an Anti-Valentine's dinner, making snarky comments about other couples that pass you by: "Oh wow, she is really out of his league" and "God, I thought that was her Dad !"

I think a first date actually on Valentine's Day would be kind of fun depending on the person you were with already flirting with, maybe had a few lunches with. A first date on Valentine's Day could jump start a "just a friend" into dating material. But does it send mixed signals or will it be taken too seriously? That depends on the people involved. If I were to show up for a V-Day first date and she demanded where her treats were, I'd be out before the first gin and tonic hit the bar. But if you make an effort to at least acknowledge this most Hallmark of holidays, I'd show up with something novel like one of those kid's Valentine's cards ("I Choo-Choo-Choose U") or a cheesy stuffed bear and we have a laugh, then the date's off to a good start.

The best Valentine's date I had? That would be a spontaneous affair a few years back. The girl I was seeing at the time had been sick with bronchitis for the week, so we didn't make plans. But she felt better on Valentine's and all the restaurants were booked. We stayed in, ordered Chinese, watched Sid & Nancy , a romance in it's own right, and danced to Sinatra.

It wasn't fancy, it wasn't expensive, but it was genuine and a nice little moment for us. It doesn't have to be a Hallmark holiday of overpriced roses and dinner. It's a cliché, but everyday should be Valentine's Day, and I think the best thing to do is to just show up with roses or take her out for a nice dinner when she least suspects it, or most needs it.

I believe in love, it just don't always believe in me.

For laughs:
The Office - "Valentine's Day" Deleted Scenes

Barista was not in the job description

I'm glad to see we finally got coffee machines in the office. We've been relying on the Tim Horton's downstairs for ages, and now we have one of those single-cup machines where you load a coffee/tea cartridge, drop in a quarter, then it brews and pours in 35 seconds. Neat, pretty fresh and it makes sense cost wise: with 600 people in the building, providing free coffee would get prohibitively expensive.

The added bonus is less snacking: whenever I go to the Tim Hortons, I feel easily tempted to get a muffin or donut. Now I can get my coffee without the temptation of an apple fritter or worse, the chocolate danish - it's the Mary Magdalene of pastries.

Unfortunately the kitchenette is about 20 feet from my desk and separated by a wall that only stops about 3 feet from the ceiling: I. Can. Hear. Everything.

Commence the running coffee commentary.

I'm going to be sitting through a week of exclamations of "Wow, look at the coffee machine" and "What's to stop someone from taking all the coffee cartridges?". Or people coming out of the kitchen and stopping at my desk to ask "Have you seen the new coffee machine? and "How wonderful is the new coffee machine?" and "Did you see 24 last night?"

And if I hear "How does it work?", I have to go over to show them. I don't have to do it, it's not like it's part of my job: what I mean is I AM COMPELLED TO SHOW THEM. I can't resist the question "How does does it work?" or "How do I do this?", it's like an automatic response for me to answer "I'll show you." Probably why I'm a trainer. It's all very Pavlovian.

I also feel compelled to show them after 2 minutes of "But where does it..." and "Is it supposed to..." and "That doesn't look right..", or because at minute number 3 I will likely burst into the kitchen, ranting as I go "It's coffee! It's just coffee! Cripes, it's not difficult, it's not a half-caf soy mocha latte with light whip and sugarless sugar, it's coffee!"

Maybe I drink too much coffee?

What smells like candle wax melting on a Passion Flaky snackcake?

The answer is my office's nice gesture on my birthday. Yes, it's my birthday today.

It's funny how the most obvious thing didn't occur to me.

What didn't occur to me is that this is the first time in years where I don't have to work the night shift. At the book company it was always the first business day of the year and we did inventory that time. The last few years in my old department, it would be a mandatory work night due to it being the first banking day after the holidays. I usually do a weekend party, but it never crossed my mind that one should actually go out on one's own birthday.

Duh. Who says you get smarter with age? Oh well, some hasty calls and an evening of wings and beer to be had. Still going out on the weekend to get snookered though.

Making a list, checking it twice. I said "twice" dammit!

flippingcrappingsonuvanelfMonday

In short order my Monday looks like this:

• gather materials for meeting with management on the status of my training program. I'm looking to them for suggestions, ideas and improvements to the system. But first I need to find a printer to print this stuff on, as the printer I use was reassigned with another department on another floor.
• one of the kittens I am petsitting got out this morning. They are allowed outdoors, but I am working late and won't be home until late to let her back in. It's mild out, so I am not worried about the weather, but I will have to duck out at lunch or dinner and go to the house to make sure she is inside.
• trying to fix a family misunderstanding (which isn't directly involved with me but will affect me anyway) before Christmas gets here. I don't understand why I have to be the adult amongst 50 and 60 years olds, but there I go sucking it up and handling this bullshit. And it is bullshit.
• unrelated to that debacle, I am planning a nice suprise for my Mom for her visit this Christmas which, with some assistance from my friends R., is something she will genuinely enjoy.
• and more pleasantly, I'm trying to put together a pleasant holiday gathering for my friends.
  
  All told, I am juggling much today, but I found the time to let you know I am alive and sort of well. I'll find fun stuff and gift ideas for you all in the next few days.