Encounters With An Idiot Uncle

I'm at the theatre to watch Transformers. It's rated PG (PG-13 in the States) and it's about big giant robot blowing things up. It's just me, and I have my comfortable seat off the aisle. Got my bladder-buster soda, my heart stopping bucket of popcorn (no butter - I'm not reckless you know). It's a full theatre, opening weekend, and it's all single seats except for the neck-breaker row at the front. Right as the trailers are about to start, I spot a guy with a kid. And he's looking for a spot.

He spots an empty seat off to the side and ushers the kid in. He then asks if the seat next to me is free, which it is, and sits. A minute later he has the nerve to ask if I'd mind trading seats with his 4-year old nephew so they can sit together. If it had been earlier or any other movie, then probably I would. But here's this guy showing up with 2 minutes before the show, at a movie that is clearly going to scare a 4-year old. I got there early, got my prime seat, and he shows up late, the trailers have started and he wonders if I'd mind trading for a seat against the wall?

"Yes, I mind."

He says nothing of it, and spends the movie craning his neck, checking if the kid is all right or not. I didn't see the kid move or freak out. I'm sure that happens later, when he imagines the family Honda is going to go on a rampage. And what does the uncle care, he's not going to have to console Timmy at 3 in the morning when he wakes up screaming about the toaster wanting to kill him. That's what the parents are for.

As I think how stupid this guy is to bring a 4-year old to a movie where he has to sit alone and watch big scary robots blowing up people, I try to recall the last time I saw stupid behaviour like this. Then it hits me.

The park. This is the same jackass from the fireworks story:

Cut to the May 24 weekend. I was with a group of my friends at a picnic in the park for the May 24th holiday. We notice a young man (we presume he's an uncle) with two little kids, maybe 4 and 6, and he's teaching them to launch roman candle fireworks. By hand. In the middle of the afternoon. In a dry hot park.

Roman candles are tubes that shoot a half dozen "stars" into the air. You're supposed to be planted in the ground and then lit. They're banned in some areas due to the fact that people injure each other by FIRING THEM AT EACH OTHER. So points to the uncle for teaching young children how to do it. Jackass.

The kids are holding the roman candles and pointing them up and launch the fireworks "phoomp, phoomp, phoomp". You know what a roman candle looks like? A magic wand. I half expected them to look into the tubes to see if they were empty yet. Have fun with the ambulance. And after teaching the kids a valuable lesson in hand-held mayhem, he leaves the used firework tubes in the grass. Jackass.

But what does he care, it's not like the uncle is going to have to teach Timmy how to apply burn cream or Suzie how to write with 3 fingers on one hand.