Why does this stable playset come with a pole and a line of blow?

Wherein SoQuoted makes the obvious connection between strippers and the My Little Pony toyline:

My Little Pony is not quite as skanky as Bratz. What more can I say about the stripper ponies?

Stripper names? Check: Paradise, Cherries Jubilee, Lickety Split, Galaxy, Morning Glory.

Garish ass tattooes? check

Neon makeup with criminal use of eye shadow? Obviously

I never quite put it together before, but it all fits: the proliferation of "tramp stamp" tattoos in the 90s is in direct correllation to the popularity of My Little Pony in the 80s. Brilliant. Go out in any club district in a major city and you'll see the tattoos, eye shadow, garish streaked hair. Damn you My Little Pony , how could you thank millions of 80s kids by turning them into the Girls Gone Wild/STD magnets of the modern age?

Read More

Not So Beneficial

I'm filling out my health insurance renewal forms for work today. As "The Single Guy", I don't have anyone specific in mind when I have to fill in the beneficiary part - who gets paid when I die. I usually put in my folks. There are a couple of friends I would put, but frankly they could knock me off and make it look like an accident. And they have wood chippers.

I wish there was an additional option:

"I want all my benefits to go to my parents. And I'd like all my debts to be divided amongst this list of ex-girlfriends, bad dates and "thanks, let's just be friends".

That'll show them for ordering the lobster and not putting out.*

* You know i'm kidding. I'd never take a woman out where she could order lobster; not without foreplay first.** That's just a rookie mistake.
** Yes, still kidding.

Read More

Triptafan-tastic Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers. In honour of the holiday, List of Things Thrown 5 Minutes Ago has a link to a delicious turkey recipe for Sage-Roasted Turkey with Caramelized Onions and Sage Gravy (yum!) and The Onion AV Club has a list of 17 classic Thanksgiving TV episodes. The Friends episode they picked out of all of their annual Thanksgiving episodes is The One Where Ross Got High (where Rachel mixes a Trifle recipe with the Shepard's Pie), but I still prefer the just as funny episode with Brad Pitt showing up as a former fat classmate. I'd also add on last year's How I Met Your Mother episode, the one I used to get several people hooked on the show.

The grand champion, Muhammed Ali of Thanksgiving episodes is best summed up in this clip:

Read More

Pass interference

I'm at work, and I went to pick up a cardboard file box full of United Way forms. I noticed it wasn't put together right, so I popped the handles in and said:

"Oh the handles aren't on here. Let me fix it, it's just like one of the boxes I use for my comic book collection..."

I notice I'm surrounded by women

"...I mean football trophies."

Read More

Do you have a reservation for "Mr. Bag"? First name is "Douche"

scooped from the Torontoist
Posted by Karen Whaley

Streeter: Homophobic Dining Edition
Overheard at a King Street eatery, 10:00 PM Tuesday.

Patron*: "Excuse me, waitress? Can I please be moved to a different table? I think the two men at the table next to mine are gay."

Waitress: "And you don't want to catch it, right?"

Patron: "Well, I'm not worried about that. I'm just concerned about...you know...hearing private conversations."

Didn't anyone tell him this was Canada? We let gay people get married here.

*On a side-note, Patron was the holder of a Centurion Card, an American Express credit card for the rich and famous which requires its holder to charge a minimum of US$250,000 annually. Which just goes to show that money can buy you a lot of things, but not tolerance and a little class.

Read More

What would Bluto Blutarsky say?

Two frat boys are suing the makers of "Borat" for portraying them as drunken sexists. Funny, that sounds like every other frat boy I've met. These frat brothers claim that being shown in "Borat" caused them humiliation and distress. Dudes, you guys presumably went through hazing in order to join a frat, and now you want a payout because "Borat" caused you to feel humiliated!???? Man, the Deltas surely would have drummed these two opportunists out. Double Secret Probation for the both of them.

*sigh* Stupid stupid frat boys.

The plaintiffs were not named in the lawsuit "to protect themselves from any additional and unnecessary embarrassment." They were identified in the movie as fraternity members from a South Carolina university, and appeared drunk as they made insulting comments about women and minorities to Cohen's character.to protect themselves from any additional and unnecessary embarrassment." They were identified in the movie as fraternity members from a South Carolina university, and appeared drunk as they made insulting comments about women and minorities to Cohen's character.

After a bout of heavy drinking, the plaintiffs signed a release form they were told "had something to do with reliability issues with being in the RV," Taillieu said.

The film "made plaintiffs the object of ridicule, humiliation, mental anguish and emotional and physical distress, loss of reputation, goodwill and standing in the community," the lawsuit said.

From Associated Press (more)

Read More

November 11th

Even though it's on the weekend and may slip your mind, take a moment on Saturday.

On the 11th day of the 11th month, at the 11th hour, take a moment, just one moment out of your day, and remember the thousands of men and women who sacrificed their lives fighting for freedom and democracy during the First World War, the Second World War, the Korean War, the Afghanistan conflict and during peacekeeping missions. Think of those who have come before us and those right this minute, who are sacrificing more than anyone should ever ask. Think of their family, think of the lives that were lost, the time that was lost. Think of the lives that were saved, and of the people that are here because of those men and women.

I choose to remember all this, and I choose to remember my Uncle Lou. He's my dad's uncle, and he was a member of the Canadian Artillery in World War 2. He was from Canada, and he met my dad's Aunt Liz while he was stationed overseas. I think he was on leave in Scotland. Liz and Lou married and Liz came to Canada as a war bride. One summer my grandmother (Liz's sister), and my father came to visit from Scotland. And my dad came to like Canada, and thought this would be a good place for a young man looking for a future. And that's how my dad, and my family, came to Canada, and it's why I was born a Canadian.

Uncle Lou passed away last year, and I always remember that, because of him, I was given the honour and privilege of being Canadian, and in the grand scheme of things just being here.

It's not a war story, but it's life turned out. A young man joins the army to fight in the Second World War; a young man visits Canada and thinks it would be a good place make a life; and a young man looks at the poppy on his lapel and thinks how lucky he is to be here.

In Flanders Fields
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

- John McCrae, 1915

Read More

I wonder if AOL owns fitness clubs, because this sounds familiar

"Cancel the account. Cancel the account. Cancel the account. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. FOR GOD'S SAKE JUST CANCEL THE FUCKING ACCOUNT."

( man trying to cancel his AOL account over the phone; make with the clicky here for the full article and mp3 of his conversation with an AOL rep)

scooped from BoingBoing

Read More

Gossip Folks

OK everyone try to at least look surprised, as the marriage of modern American royalty has ended: Britney Spears has filed for divorce from K-Fed. I'm not sure on the timing of this, but it almost looks like her PR people thought the announcement would be discreetly buried by announcing the news on election night in America. I give it 6 months before K-Fed shows up on a season of The Surreal Life (he's a whiteboy rapper who apparently has been showing up on World Wrestling Entertainment shows lately - he's been born for that show).

Neil Patrick Harris, who is criminally good on the show How I Met Your Mother (this week's "Swarley!" gag was priceless), is the latest celeb to feel compelled to out himself as a "content gay man". Bloggerattzi Perez Hilton has a mad-on for outing celebs. Jenster said he'd been on Neil Patrick Harris case for a while, and Perez's site keeps on naming names in an effort to make himself noticed. A couple of those names have been speculated for years, while a few were surprising if true.

It's lousy that he feels the need to do that just because some celeb reporter is bullying him out of the closet online. His orientation doesn't change how well he acts, although it does probably mean that he never did, in fact, get together with Wanda on Doogie Howser. It's remarkable how Neil Patrick Harris has created to distinctly different characters, Doogie Howser MD and Barney the toxic bachelor on HIMYM. Although this outing supports my theory that straight men don't play the EmCee role in Cabaret (Alan Cumming originated the role.)

If only someone could adopt an African baby while simultaneously outing themselves while divorcing their spouse, that would be a celeb-gossip trifecta:

"I've decided to leave my husband of 2 years and, with my lesbian life partner, will raise this child like he were my own African baby. We ask for privacy from the media, as soon as we finish our interviews on Oprah, The View, and Howard Stern."

I wonder why nobody ever comes out as bi-sexual? I also wonder how surprised my friend G. must be, now that he's learned the man who did coke off a nude stripper in Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle (sequel confirmed by the way) is in fact gay. He was surprised when I mentioned Ian McKellan was the first gay man to be knighted:

"Gandalf's gay!???!"

Which would only be a surprise to anyone who didn't see his date on Oscar night, a rather young and shiny lad, or his appearance on Saturday Night Live where he was shown bopping along off-stage to Kylie Minogue's dance routine while checking out her dancers.

Read More

To all the shows I've loved before

The Onion A.V. Club has a rundown of "15 Lamentably Lost One-Season TV Wonders". A lot of shows I loved that were taken from me after the first year are there (and most of them came and went on Fox).

The one's that interested me were:

The Dana Carvey Show (ABC 1996) Now I never saw this show in it's brief existence, but this is a case of wishing you had a portal to the future, because if execs could see where their writer's from this show would end up in the next 2 - 10 years, they would have kept going: Steve Carrell, Stephen Colbert, Charlie Kaufmann, Bob Odenkirk, Louis C.K. and Robert Smigel.

Cupid (ABC 1998) Paula Marshall is a psychologist whose patient, Jeremy Piven, believes he's Cupid, cast out from Olympus and banished until he can unite 100 couples without using magic arrows or divine intervention. I thought Paula Marshall and the motormouth Piven had great chemistry, and it was an interesting premise, but audiences just don't want to watch relationships shows (Alicia Silverstone and Heather Graham both had sitcoms with a similar matchmaker theme). I haven't seen it pop up on DVD yet, but there are some online torrents of the series floating about.

Freeks & Geeks (NBC 1999) Do yourself a favour and rent this DVD set. You'll see some excellent stories that remind you that high school was a time of freaks and geeks. Some great performances from several actors just starting out, including Jason Segal (Marshall on How I Met Your Mother), Seth Rogan (40 Year Old Virgin) and Linda Cardellini (ER). The three guys who played the younger geeks all turned in several really good performances set in an age where kids with single parents were on the upsurge.

Undeclared (Fox 2001) - Like Freaks & Geeks, it was also created by Judd Apatow, it also captured the simultaneous thrill and terror of being on your own at university. More comedic that Freeks & Geeks, and just as endearing.

Other one-season wonders include Firefly, Action, Profit and Police Squad. I would have added in Wonderfalls myself, but you can check out the list for yourself on The Onion AV Club.

Scooped from A List of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago.

Read More

Stephen Colbert on the YouTube deletions

What better place to find Stephen Colbert's take on YouTube, Google, and profits, than on YouTube.

Read More

more tricks and treats

From Nicole:

My boss taught his little boy a cute party trick. Instead of 'what does the cow say?' he asks him:

"What does the zombie say?"

and the 3 year old sticks his arms out in front of him and in a scary voice:

"Braaaainnns...."

Greg & Mich dressed up their daughter Brenna as a princess this year. She's probably the only trick or treater who had D&D character sheet made up for her: "OK sweetie, remember: you're a human princess with D6 Initiative, +2 Charisma, and you need to roll for damage. Who's Daddy's little paladin?"

A couple of times last night, I'd be hanging on to one of the kittens with one hand to keep them from running out the door and handing out candy with the other hand. A lot of the kids seemed mroe excited to pet a kitten than to get candy.

Read More