The Male of the Species

Based on a conversation with a friend, I put this forth to my readers. The term cougar is used frequently (but not really justly, some taking offence) to describe an older woman who preys on younger guys, either in a dating or casual way. Some signs of cougar-ness include mom's wearing their daughter's clothes, and 40 -year olds wearing clubwear to work.

But to the question: in the interest of gender equality, what name do you have for the male equivalent of a cougar? The old mid-life crisis kicks in and you go trolling for 20 year olds.

We're going with the age old formula to determine age appropriateness: (Your Age/2 +7).

This ties in to the game I play at bars and restaurants called "Date or Daughter", as in "is that his date or his daughter?" If you're participating in this game, you might be a male cougar.

A friend suggested "Jackal", but I'd pick "Puma" or "Panther" just to keep it in the cat family.

Creepy old dude is applicable.

Answering "what do you call a guy who tries to pick up significantly younger women?" with "Jason" is not accepted.

• a "Liger"... a liger crosses the species boundry as much as a sleezy old man crosses the age boundry.
• Provided by an anonymous source: '"my boss"but that's not really the answer your looking for'
• I'd go with Coyote - cause most of the time they are out for themselves with little care to the rest of the world, oh and they're dumb to - picture "wile E Coyote"

Thoughts?

Achtung Baby

I stumbled onto something funny today. While flipping through the Entertainment Weekly website, I discovered I've been quoted sort of. Click here to take a look.

I had responded to this thread on "Your Great Pop Culture Regrets and Missed Opportunities". A week later, I've found my comment has been used in a photo gallery on the site that basically picked a dozen comments and put them with accompanying photos.

What was the anecdote?

The story goes that when I was in high school, I had a pair of tickets to go see U2 on their first round of the Zoo TV tour. It would have been early 1992, the "Achtung Baby" album was huge, and they were playing Maple Leaf Gardens.

The problem was me. I was pretty insecure as a teenager, so I waited until the last minute to ask someone to go. Everyone I asked couldn't make it, girls and "just friends" alike. I thought about asking this one girl from work. She had been the target of my misplaced, socially inept teenage affection. That is to say, I had a big old crush on that girl. But as a teenager, I didn't resemble the more confident gentleman caller you know today. It was a harmless crush, but I had a tendency to feel clumsy or goofy, saying the wrong thing if I managed to blurt out anything at all. Anytime I was around her, my brain would short out.

I knew U2 was her favourite band and I think I remember giving her a cassette of "Achtung Baby" for her birthday. But with days before the concert, I chickened out and never asked her. I had never seen an 80s teen movie, so how was I to know the geek could get the girl? I ended up selling the tickets to a classmate at face value and never saw the show.

The two punchlines:

#1 - The opening band, who I had never heard of at that point, were The Pixies. Seeing the Pixies (and U2 for that matter) in their prime would have been great.

#2 - Months later, that crush girl gave me a ride home from work one night. We got around to talking about that show and how I had sold the tickets. She said "I would have gone with you if you had asked."

Normally I say "Ha! Good one God, you got me again." But you know, that was my own damned fault, wasn't it?

The lesson, albeit years later, has been learned: I don't want to miss out on anything just because I didn't ask, or because I was too self-conscious to go by myself.

It's not "Degrassi Junior High" quality drama, more of a "Wonder Years" episode: just a story about a shy teenager, and the dumb things kids do.

Sexile Etiquette Question

A response to a comment on Sexile Island:

Dear Mr. 2scoops

I read your post on “Sexile Island” and I have a dilemma. I’m going away with friends to Montreal. It's a co-ed trip. I have my own hotel room as do some of the other girls, and 3 of the guys are sharing one room. I’m worried that 2 of them will be “sexiled” and will want to crash out in my room. What should I do?

Signed, Miss Musing

Dear Miss,

If the guys get sexiled, you are in no way obligated to open your door to the sexiled refugees. It’s your room, you paid for it, and if they didn’t want to get kicked out of the room, they should have made different hotel arrangements then.

I don’t know how women treat the sexile situation, but if you’re a guy, you suck it up and take one for the team. You can payback an inconsiderate roommate later, but if you get kicked/locked out, the sexiled party do not compound it by inconveniencing someone else by barging in on their private space, or worse yet, interrupting your own hook-up.

Not to mention that above all else, a gentlemen doesn’t rouse a woman from her sleep by pounding on her hotel room door at 2AM, whining about how they got kicked out. The only time a man should be on your hotel doorstep at 2AM is if you ordered one from room service.

To the gentlemen: Suck it up cowboy and hit the bar.

Miss, you are not obligated to do a damn thing. Knock back a gin and tonic, pop in the earplugs, and pay no attention. They are men, and they know the risks of being sexiled when they signed up for that rooming arrangement.

Enjoy the weekend.

Signed, the2scoops