Pain & Plasticine - Saw vs Wallace & Gromit

Marc from Torontoist put together this great fake trailer mash-up, turning Wallace & Gromit into the latest installment of the Saw horror movies. 100,000 hits and rising on YouTube

Saw vs. Wallace & Gromit

He might pass by in our hour of need

I only just rediscovered this song as the theme song for the weird as f*ck show "John From Cincinnati". God damn it I watch this clip and I wish Joe was still with us. Joe is dead, and I have to contend with Lindsay, Hedley, and Nickleback on the radio. Damn. RIP Joe, and long live The Clash.

John Strummer (August 21, 1952 – December 22, 2002)

Monster Squad hits the streets

Available for the first time on DVD, Monster Squad is out this week. What, you didn't hear me? Freaking Monster Squad is on DVD brother! Back in '87, we didn't have your fancy Spider-Man and Transformers movie. We had to make do with a bunch of kids who have to lay the smackdown on Dracula and his cronies the old fashion way: by kicking the wolfman in the nards.

All right it's no cinema verite, but to a kid facing the last few weeks before school started, going down to the Hillcrest Mall cinema to watch some monster fighting was a great way to spend the day, like watching The Goonies crossed with Ghostbusters.

The Monster Squad (1987) was about a group of kids who have to take matters into their own hands when monsters, led by Dracula, come to town. As in most movies like this, adults and authority figures don't believe the kids until it's too late, but the kids manage to convert Frankenstein's monster to their side and with the help of an elderly neighbour (message: old people are useful), discover a way to banish the monsters to Limbo.

It's cheesy fun, with swearing, smoking, monsters, humour and fighting - everything a teenager would want from a movie. Some decent special effects and some classic lines: "Wolfman's got nards!" There's the rebellious kid, the fat kid, the earnest kid, the little kid.

I'm definitely pulling this one for the next Guy's Movie Night.

The High Life

Item One: cartoon by John Fewings

Item Two:

My friend Nikita sent me this CBC story. Apparently some street signs in her neighborhood have gone missing and the City of Ottawa is going to some extraordinary measures to deter thieves:

The City of Ottawa is trying to make sure no one takes the High Road anymore — the street sign, that is. The street name in Gloucester is one of several across Ottawa that now tower up to six metres above the ground instead of the usual 2½, and are secured with tamper-proof bolts in an effort to deter thieves.

Mary Jane Cres., High St. and Trojan Ave. are a few of the Ottawa street names that have often gone missing.(CBC)

"We actually went to the extent of greasing the pole a little bit just to ensure that somebody trying to shimmy up to it couldn't get to it," said Kevin Wylie, who is in charge of all City of Ottawa street signs.

CBC News: Extra-high street signs give Ottawa thieves the slip

Pepperpot: Useful Stuff

101 simple summer meals that can be prepared in 10 minutes or less (NY Times). Copy and paste it before the article goes into the archive.


Ticket packages for the 2007 Toronto Film Festival are on sale. You can buy program specific packages (the Midnight Madness is sure to sellout), and passes, but I tend to go with the 10-Film package of tickets. You buy the 10-pack, choose 20 movies, and then a random draw determines which movies you get, basesd on availability and the order of the draw. Other fun options include the "We Pick For You" packages. TIFF Ticket Pass & Package options are here. The programs for Canadian Retrospective (out now), Midnight Madness, Sprockets Family Zone, and Wavelengths are being announced one at a time every Monday.


Any bets how quickly major media (not the instaneous internet) publicizes the spoilers for Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows this weekend? I say by Monday at the latest. Books normally are released on the Tuesday, but I'd bet the weekend release is to curb employee absentism.

Jon Lovitz earns the thanks of a grateful nation

Jon Lovitz got some payback in the name of Lionel Hutz as Lovitz beat Andy Dick bloody at a comedy club last week. The fight stems from long-simmering tension regarding the death of their mutual friend Phil Hartman.
Andy Dick, whose been known for some pretty tasteless behaviour, approached Lovitz at a party last year and said, 'I put the "Phil Hartman hex" on you - you're the next one to die”. Lovitz was very close with Hartman, and he believes it was Dick who got Hartman’s wife back onto cocaine in the months before she murdered Phil. The two ran into each other at the Laugh Factory where Dick was goading Lovitz, when Lovitz clobbered him. Awesome.

Scenes From A Weekend

Place: Going away party . The guest of honour is relocating to Vancouver, B.C. He's been asking my advice on every aspect of the transition: how to find work, should he go temp or hold out for full-time, what type of furniture to buy, should he consider a roommate. I could write a book.

SD: Hey Jay, what do you think is going to happen to me out there? How do you think I'll do?

Me (deadpan): I think you're going to get mauled by a bear.

Place: Foggy Dew pub on King Street birthday drinks with The Peterborough Two. A streetcar party/pub crawl comes in and one of the lager louts immediately makes a loud phone call.

Lout: Dude I'm so wasted we've been drinking Jamieson's all night and it's great!!! WHOOOOOO I'm so going to headbutt someone, it won't be me and I'm gonna headbutt someone tonight, some mutha is getting a big old headbutt toniiiiiiight OH YEAH Give me the intersecond (sic) and we'll hook up it's soooo great we're going to headbutt someone tonight YEAAAAHHH!!!! HEADBUTTTT!!!!

(No one was headbutted at the pub, and the pub crawl left for the next stop after 30 minutes. I had hoped to be called on to demonstrate the Scottish martial art of Feckyou, and headbutt him first. That, or walk up behind him and bounce his head off the table (a technique I learned from my friend T.)

Place: Outside Embassy Nightclub, I show up late to go in for a friend's birthday. 3 young guys are in front of me and are trying to get in, and the dress code at the bar is "Smart".

Bouncer: You guys can't get in. We have a dress code and you're not getting in wearing baggy pants and that. (indicates their golf shirts and sneakers)

Guy: So how do we gotta' dress to get in?

Bouncer (looks over, points to me): Like that guy. Come right in sir.

Pepperpot - Puppets, Persepolis, Pixar

I've got things to do and samosas to eat, so here are some links to keep you occupied:

Here's the link to a story I've retold a few times on Barroom Opera. Brooklyn Bar Serves Opera On Tap from All Things Considered (NPR). I'd love to see this in Toronto, and thought back to this story as I sat in the Mill Street Brew Pub, and noticed one of the waitresses hitting a few high notes before her shift. There are many opera singers around town, alot of them without a regular gig. Why not open up the back barroom at say, The Cameron House or The Gladstone, and just have opera singers singing a song or two while we down a few beers? It would tear down the pretention and detachment most people associate with opera by bringing it amongst the people.


Culture Bully lists the top 5 music videos featuring puppets (with video links). I assume Interpol's Evil was number 6.


Variety reports that Sean Penn and Iggy Pop have signed on as voice talent for the English-language version of the Persepolis film, based on the acclaimed graphic novel. Persepolis is a beautifially rendered graphic novel by Marjane Satrapi that describes her childhood in Iran after the revolution. It was made into a French-language animated film and won the Grand Jury Prize at Cannes.


The A.V. Club interviews comedian Patton Oswalt, who is getting exposure as the voice of Remy in Ratatouille. He's a funny angry man. And Warren Ellis likes him:

I was having dinner with a visiting American comedian friend in London a couple of years ago — one of Marco Pierre White’s restaurants — and he and the others convinced me to order the “roast suckling pig” on the menu. There was great anticipation as the dish arrived — it was fast, we only had time to drink a couple of bottles of wine each. But it was three slices of pork and a sliver of apple. I still pity the other diners who had to put up with the people at the back yelling “Where’s my f*cking pig? Bring us the pig! Get out there and kill me a f*cking pig! We demand a pig with Marco Pierre White in its mouth, right f*cking now!”

Marco Pierre White, if you’re reading this — you are a weakling. Furthermore, you owe me a pig.

Patton Oswalt does not yell “Where’s the f*cking pig?” in RATATOUILLE this weekend.

Warren Ellis, from his new column on the Suicide Girls website, The Sunday Hangover

Speaking of Ratatouille and Pixar, Philadelphia Inquirer’s film critic Carrie Rickey points out something that appears to be spot on:

And am I crazy to read the subtext of Ratatouille as Pixar -- the rats in the house that Mickey Mouse built -- reaffirming the true mission of Walt Disney as Remy the rat reaffirms the values of chef Gusteau?

Adam at ALOTT5MA pointed out that "Indeed, the real-world equivalent of Chef Gusteau's frozen burritos -- Disney's profitable-but-crappy direct-to-DVD sequel program -- has been scrapped under the new Pixar regime." It's quality and legacy winning out over a quick buck. So no "Cinderella 4 - Revenge of the Sith"".

Links via the usual suspects: ALOTT5MA, largeheartedboy

It's bright and cool out. I've got The Fugee's "The Score" playing on the iPod. I have a large hot coffee, and someone has brought a tray of samosas into the office. Coffee and a samosa for breakfast are not bad things at all. And I'm looking forward to work, with a great weekend of food, Fringe Festival, and friends that I haven't been out with in a while.

This will be a good day.

"this was a big get for God"

Tori Spelling becomes a reverend

Paris finds God

Pepperpot - Links and Stuff

On my resume, I listed "Personal Assistant to J.D. Salinger" under work experience. Let's see them check the references on that.

Feel like crawling into bed and hiding from the world? Get in line: The Onion A.V. Club lists 12 Famous Living Recluses. Included on the list include Calvin & Hobbes creator Bill Waterson and king of the 80s teen movies John Hughes.

Funniest follow-up comment belongs to the reader who asked "what about Joseph Heller? I haven't heard f*ck from that dude, like ever..." That would be because he died in 1999, and he did publish a half-dozen novels after "Catch 22".


Things are going to seem a bit dimmer around Bathurst and Bloor. Ed "Honest Ed" Mirvish passed away today. He was 92. Honest Ed's store has been a staple of Bloor and Bathurst with it's massive aisles full of everything you'd want for cheap. Mirvish Productions has also been responsible for it's contributions to Toronto's theatre scene, helping establish it as a world class city. According to Torontoist, it's likely that what would have been his 93rd birthday celebration this month will now be a celebration of his life.


The finalists for this year's Polaris Music Prize were announced yesterday. This year's finalists for the $20,000 prize awarded for Best Canadian album, judged on artistic merit regardless of sales or genre are:

Arcade Fire / Neon Bible (Merge/F>A>B)
The Besnard Lakes / The Besnard Lakes Are The Dark Horse ­­­(Jajaguwar/Outside Music)
The Dears / Gang of Losers (MapleMusic Recordings/Universal Music Canada)
Julie Doiron / Woke Myself Up (endearing records/Fontana North/Universal Music Canada)
Feist / The Reminder (Arts & Crafts/EMI Music Canada)
Junior Boys / So This Is Goodbye (Domino/Outside Music)
Miracle Fortress / Five Roses (Secret City Records/Fusion III)
The Joel Plaskett Emergency / Ashtray Rock (MapleMusic Recordings/Universal Music Canada)
Chad VanGaalen / Skelliconnection (Flemish Eye/Outside Music)
Patrick Watson / Close To Paradise (Secret City Records/Fusion III)

Links via Chromewaves. Chromewaves also has the links to several articles on the nominees from Zoilus, Torontoist, the CBC Radio3 podcast and Public Broadcasting.ca. Also see Eye Weekly, Pitchfork, and NME. While it's easy to point to Arcade Fire and Feist as early faves, I think a "do they really need the money?" undercurrent will swing the vote towards one of the lesser known, but still quality artists. The compilation album for this year's nominees will be out August 28th, and winners announced.


Speaking of Torontoist, funny quote:

The World Conference on Disaster Management wraps up today at the Toronto Convention Centre. Torontoist would go but we’re locked in the basement with a tire iron and a two-year supply of Beefaroni. - Patrick Metzger

New Stars album available early

I mentioned a few days ago that the new album by Stars, In Our Bedroom After the War, would be coming out September 25th. In an interesting move, the album has been released digitally (and legally) two months early. I noticed the album pop up in my latest iTunes email, and had to re-read it to make sure it wasn't merely an advanced order. Nope, it's the full album.

If you go onto iTunes or the Stars' label Arts & Crafts' store you can buy the full album now rather than wait for the CD to come out in September. This is an interesting move made to thwart digital leaks and illegal downloads; most albums are leaked online a full 2 - 3 months before their release date, depriving the label of significant record sales. Hopefully other labels will follow suit, as I like this approach. I'll be buying it this week for sure. Pitchfork has the story on why the label chose to make this particular move.

We're #1, We're Number...uhh, what was I saying?

Canadians use marijuana at four times the world average, making Canada the leader of the industrialized world in cannabis consumption, a recent United Nations report found. (CBC)

If you stood up in your office/sports team/summer BBQ, and asked for a show of hands who smokes pot recreationally, you'd probably be surprised.

Live Earth, Dead Earth, but at least we have tunes

I had no urge or need to see the "Live Earth" concerts this weekend. These charity concerts have become mundane exercises in feel-goodery: let's put on a show to boost environmental awareness and teach folks how to reduce their carbon-footprint. Any ideas on how much gas, electricity, and waste a concert of that scale generates?

"[...] the only way I could achieve a larger carbon footprint than Live Earth would be to drop an asteroid on Australia. " - Warren Ellis,
author

I'm only guessing, but I give the performers the benefit of the doubt that they believe they were doing the right thing. But isn't it a bit hypocritical to have a rock star telling us that we can make a difference, that we have to change, when their highly consumptive lifestyle creates a carbon footprint the size of a small town? Several cars and houses, the CO2 produced by travelling back and forth in jets and buses. I believe more in the performers who refused to play, like The Arctic Monkeys, who couldn't justify playing a show for the environment, "especially when we're using enough power for 10 houses just for (stage) lighting."

Several performers elected not to participate, based on the counter-productive nature of such a show. As Vinay Menon (Toronto Star) pointed out, you can always tell the legitimacy of a charity concert by who doesn't show up: Radiohead, Coldplay, U2. You literally could have Live Earth be for any "insert charity here" cause, like some Simpsons joke. It just fills my cynic cup up to the brim.

"Forgive me, but did we really need to burn a sickening amount of fossil fuel flying rock stars to every continent – to say nothing of the environmental toll created at each venue by local traffic and a spike in consumption – to impart such mundane wisdom?" - Vinay Menon, Toronto Star

'Kill da wabbit?'

It's the 50th Anniversary of one of the most beloved pieces of animation:

What's Opera Doc? (YouTube)

50 glorious years of 'kill da wabbit' (Toronto Star)

AA doesn't mean All-Ages

My encounter with the idiot who brought his 4 year old nephew to Transformers puts me in mind of another topic: what movies have you seen a parent bring kids to, only to leave or complain when they realized it wasn't a kids movie? I usually assume someone didn't take the time to actually look into reading a write-up or rating to see if it was approriate.

My winner: the mom who brought her little kids to see "South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut". She figures "hey, it's a cartoon, it's find for little Bobby and Rachel". And the opening is a parody of Disney cartoon songs, "Mountain Town". Then the characters go see the Terrence and Phillip movie.

Which features the song. You know the song: "Uncle F*cka" (wiki)

One line into the song, and mom clues in and takes her kids out of the theatre.

Any other close encounters with stupid parents?

Encounters With An Idiot Uncle

I'm at the theatre to watch Transformers. It's rated PG (PG-13 in the States) and it's about big giant robot blowing things up. It's just me, and I have my comfortable seat off the aisle. Got my bladder-buster soda, my heart stopping bucket of popcorn (no butter - I'm not reckless you know). It's a full theatre, opening weekend, and it's all single seats except for the neck-breaker row at the front. Right as the trailers are about to start, I spot a guy with a kid. And he's looking for a spot.

He spots an empty seat off to the side and ushers the kid in. He then asks if the seat next to me is free, which it is, and sits. A minute later he has the nerve to ask if I'd mind trading seats with his 4-year old nephew so they can sit together. If it had been earlier or any other movie, then probably I would. But here's this guy showing up with 2 minutes before the show, at a movie that is clearly going to scare a 4-year old. I got there early, got my prime seat, and he shows up late, the trailers have started and he wonders if I'd mind trading for a seat against the wall?

"Yes, I mind."

He says nothing of it, and spends the movie craning his neck, checking if the kid is all right or not. I didn't see the kid move or freak out. I'm sure that happens later, when he imagines the family Honda is going to go on a rampage. And what does the uncle care, he's not going to have to console Timmy at 3 in the morning when he wakes up screaming about the toaster wanting to kill him. That's what the parents are for.

As I think how stupid this guy is to bring a 4-year old to a movie where he has to sit alone and watch big scary robots blowing up people, I try to recall the last time I saw stupid behaviour like this. Then it hits me.

The park. This is the same jackass from the fireworks story:

Cut to the May 24 weekend. I was with a group of my friends at a picnic in the park for the May 24th holiday. We notice a young man (we presume he's an uncle) with two little kids, maybe 4 and 6, and he's teaching them to launch roman candle fireworks. By hand. In the middle of the afternoon. In a dry hot park.

Roman candles are tubes that shoot a half dozen "stars" into the air. You're supposed to be planted in the ground and then lit. They're banned in some areas due to the fact that people injure each other by FIRING THEM AT EACH OTHER. So points to the uncle for teaching young children how to do it. Jackass.

The kids are holding the roman candles and pointing them up and launch the fireworks "phoomp, phoomp, phoomp". You know what a roman candle looks like? A magic wand. I half expected them to look into the tubes to see if they were empty yet. Have fun with the ambulance. And after teaching the kids a valuable lesson in hand-held mayhem, he leaves the used firework tubes in the grass. Jackass.

But what does he care, it's not like the uncle is going to have to teach Timmy how to apply burn cream or Suzie how to write with 3 fingers on one hand.

A Design For Life

What if the thought put into engineering and designing the iPhone went into creating new ways to improve living conditions and improve mortality rates in the Third World and impoverished communities?

A well-designed object is a thing of beauty. I’ve been known to stare at the computers in the Apple store or at the furniture in Big Country like Homer Simpson gazing at a doughnut. And we take it for granted as design influences every aspect of our lives in our wardrobe, our furnishings, and our cities. Or at least, the 10% of the world’s population that has disposable income take it for granted.

So what about the other 90% of the world? Can’t we apply the same thought and effort put into designing cars and cell phones into finding solutions to genuine problems like finding food and shelter?

"Design for the Other 90%" is an eye-opening installation of low-cost yet highly functional inventions at the Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum in New York City. Engineers, designers, innovators, and social entrepreneurs take their skills and apply it to the challenges of shelter, health, water, education, energy and transportation. These things can make the difference between life and death, sustainability or starvation for not only the Third World, but for under-served populations in Industrial nations. What has resulted from these initiatives are cheap but effective ways to improve access to that which we take for granted: food, clean water, sustainable energy, education, healthcare.

Take some time and browse the Design for the Other 90% site. There are some fantastic life-changing things that can be found there, including standouts like:




The LifeStraw, a personal mobile water-purification tool is designed to turn any surface water into drinking water. It has proven to be effective against waterborne diseases such as typhoid, cholera, dysentery, and diarrhea, and removes particles as small as fifteen microns. (text: Cooper-Hewitt Museum)

Internet Village Motoman Network, mobile internet access vehicles. These vehicles travel to remote areas of Cambodia equipped with satellite uplinks and solar powered computers, giving the population access to email and the internet, and giving the population access to Telemedicine: "healthcare workers interview, examine, and digitally photograph patients, then transmits the information by satellite to physicians in Boston using a solar-powered computer. Within hours, the physicians respond with medical opinions and treatment recommendations."

Global Village Shelters are remarkably light, portable shelters. They’re made from triple wall-laminated corrugated cardboard treated with fire-resistant and waterproof coating. They’re low-cost temporary emergency shelters that can last up to eighteen months. Prefabricated, shipped flat, and requiring no tools to assemble, they are easy to deploy. The first prototypes were sent to Afghanistan and Grenada, and later used in tsunami-hit countries in Asia; Pakistan’s Azad Kashmir Province, which was devastated by an earthquake, and to Gulfport, Mississippi, after Hurricane Katrina. (text: Cooper-Hewitt Museum)

The Q Drum: round water cans that are designed to roll easily, and can transport seventy-five litres of clean and potable water. For populations who have to trek daily to a clean water source for all their water and carry it back, this can ease their burden.


The Big Boda Load-Carrying Bicycle, developed in Kenya by the design firm WorldBike, can carry eight crates of goods, three children or two adult passengers in places where bikes are the main mode of transportation. It has an extended wheel base and a lower center of gravity. (text: NPR)

Just think what some of these inventions could mean for the quality of living not just in a village in rural Africa, but for impoverished communities in Canada or even the inner-city?

I’m going to dig around a bit and look for ways to get these things into the hands of those that need them. If you hear of any initiatives like this, drop me a line in the comments.

I first heard about the exhibit in the story Functional Designs that Change Lives, on National Public Radio's "Weekend Edition".

National Design Museum: Design For The Other 90%

Return of The Spiegel

Good news as it looks likewe'll have another opportunity to visit the SpiegelTent'nTavern. The Spiegel Show at Harbourfront has gotten another extension through until July 29th. Take the time and spend the night with Toronto's only "varie-tease" cabaret and show. You won't be disappointed: with it's rotation of comedians, singers, and performers, every night is a new and unique experience.

My full review of The Spiegel Show can be found here.

Can-Rock quickie

Everyone is busy catching up after the Canada Day long weekend, so here's a couple of Canadian musical treats & mp3s:

Stars have a new album coming out: In Our Bedroom After The War will be released September 25th. Pitchfork has all the info on the tracklisting, cover art, and the first MP3 from the album. All aboard for infectious Canadian indie-pop.

Pitchfork has the tracklisting for The New Pornographers next album, Challenger, due August 21. The mp3 of the new track My Rights Versus Yours is also up.

f you went to university in the 90s, you may be familiar with indie-rock forefathers Eric's Trip. They’ll be playing a reunion gig at Lee's Palace on September 15.

(via Chromewaves)