Bottle Service Math

I had a night out at Brant House with some friends recently. We arranged for "Bottle Service" and overall it was a great experience, and mostly due to the bottle service.

I confess I haven't been to a club in years. The closest I've come to nightclubs is Devil's Martini, but otherwise I rarely check out the entertainment district clubs. Clubbing was something I left behind in my mid-20s, back in the days of the late and gone Whiskey Saigon, Limelight, and Joker.

The problem is me and a few friends do like to go have a few drinks, dance it up and enjoy ourselves. That means scrambling to find which lounges have dance floors and trying to get there before a line-up starts. But some recent additions to my social circles have offered up some new experiences, so I'm willing to try some of the better Toronto lounges and nightclubs that cater to the 25 years and older crowd.

I’ve never arranged for bottle service before, and I admit I never thought I had a reason to. I figured paying $250 for a bottle of vodka was for suckers and the priveleged, but after my experience, I am sold on the concept.

The basics are that bottle service requires a call ahead and a credit card to reserve a space. There’s a 2-bottle minimum at $250 each. So your sticker shock is $500 for a night out.

But here’s what happens when you run the figures:

Bottle service covers 10 people. With taxes and tip it was $550 for 2 bottles of whatever (rum, gin, tequila, vodka, etc.), so you’re looking at $55 a head minimum, which is a typical night out at a bar like that. But what you actually pay for is the service and convenience.

What you get:

• You jump any line-up and get in right away. Your on the infamous "list".
  
• Your cover is included, so that’s another $10 - $15 bucks saved.
  
• Your group gets its own booth in the VIP section. No standing all night, worrying about losing a spot or where to dump your coat, it’s your reserved table and couches. You can come and go to the dance floor as you please. Some jerk won’t stop trying to dance with you on the dance floor? Hop back to your side of the velvet rope.
  
• All the mixes (soda, tonic, juice, ice, lime, lemon) are included and are frequently restocked for you.
  
• You have a designated server. The tip was included in the bill, and for good reason: patrons can get so hung up on the sticker shock that there is potential for the server to get screwed over. I was naive enough to assume that I wouldn’t need to tip any servers because we were essentially pouring our own drinks, but our server Lindsey busted her butt for us all night, making sure we had a constant stream of mix and clean glasses, weaving her way through the VIP section to us with full trays. She earned that tip. And the free bar snacks were appreciated too.
  
• What sounds better: “Can I buy you a drink?” or “Would you like to come up to our booth and have a drink with us?” You can treat someone to a drink in a more intimate setting away from the dance floor, and actually hear each other.
• Bottle service eliminated several of the elements that make me stop going to nightclubs: line-ups, crap service at the bar, crushed amongst the crowds, having nowhere to go when the dance floor is packed.
• Frankly, it made you feel like you mattered as a bar patron.

The trick is that it takes some organization, as you don’t want 10 people to promise to come out and only 4 show up. Or 10 people come out, but 8 of them don't drink and aren't willing to pony up $60 bucks for a night out. Get organized, make the call, and follow-through, and you can have some fun. We saw lots of bachelor and bachelorette parties, birthdays, some folks celebrating the end of exams, and just people looking to have a good time.

With the math involved, I could easily be convinced to go in on bottle service again, and have no problem recommending it so long as you know what to expect. And now you do.

PS I’ve heard comparisons of the bottle service at Devil’s Martini and Brant House. Devil’s is cheaper, but Brant feels more polished. I’d recommend Brant House easily.