Spam, why have you turned upon me...

I've had to activate a spam filter on the blog comment section, just a word verification box that asks legitimate folks to enter in the word they see. What this does is prevent automated spamming systems from adding content spam, that looks like a comment but is linked to a spam website.

Meanwhile we have two tales of spammer payback, sort of. Warrenellis.com - Spammer Beaten To Death In Home: First Of Many was posted in the summer and should drive fear into spammy hearts.

The other item is a letter I wrote to my service provider in reponse to spam in my email, before Rogers et al. changed to better filters:

Dear Service Provider,

I am writing to thank you for the thoughtful selection of spam mail I have been receiving in my mail account lately. It was flattering you would allow 276 spams to be available to me, which was quite a surprise after not checking my email account for 2 days. I feel like I belong to some sort of special club since I have been allowed to take part in these exclusive offers.

Sadly, I must decline however. I have no urge to see what Farm Girl Becky is doing with her farm animals. I am not interested in MILFs or Freaky Insertions. And while I appreciate the thought, I don’t want to see the type of breasts I could have in just 5 days, even after losing 22.5 lbs. in just 3 hours.

My world-view is rather narrow compared to the world Spam has to offer: “Sexy Teen Babes Smoking”, “Hefty Helga”, and “Shemales: A Surprise in Every Package.” Maybe someone more adventurous is more willing to take a chance, but not I.

Alas, I just don’t think it possible for just one man to deserve the benefits of a thick hairline, an A+ credit rating, and a 3-day erection. I can’t cope with the responsibilities of eliminating debt while viewing sexy singles in my area, while aiding Nigerian royalty who wish to transfer their inheritance through a lowly commoner like myself. It’s is simply too many blessings for one person to bear.

In closing, please know that I am unable to accept any of the special offers, because I am just not the pure, good soul who can accept these generous email offers. I am but a man with a webmail account, an obscene amount of obscene email, and undying sarcasm.

Yours in gratitude.