Now what kind of pop culture blogger would I be if I didn’t talk about the pop culture story of the week: Britney Spears disastrous performance on the MTV Video Awards.
You know the word “dignity”? That was the complete opposite of that word.
Ms. Spears staggered about the stage with no energy or enthusiasm. She couldn’t muster the energy to lip-sync, let alone dance. She gyrated like some drunken aunt at a wedding. She chose to wear a completely unflattering and inappropriate outfit that highlighted the fact she's not the taunt teen-aged sexpot she used to be, and she can’t find time to fit the gym between rounds of clubbing and PR disasters. Her song isn’t that good, she hasn’t had a hit since Toxic, and opening the MTV video awards was supposed to be her rising like a phoenix from the ashes. Instead, she self-immolated into a parody of her former self. I kept expecting her to just stop halfway through the opening, mutter “what the hell am I doing up here?” and wander off. Frankly, I think we kind of hoped that would happen. It was awkward and embarrassing. This is the point where Britney goes beyond the amusement of schadenfreude and is simply just a sad spectacle.
No one is looking out for this woman’s best interests. By all reports the number was hastily thrown together after the venue vetoed the smoke and mirrors magic number she was to do with illusionist Criss Angel. She was going to have to be followed by the notoriously vicious comedian Sarah Silverman. Someone, anyone, should have just said, “Stop. You aren’t ready, and this will do more harm than good. You have to know that everyone will be talking about this tomorrow morning. Think of your reputation. Think of your kids.” Instead she went out there looking like a deer in the headlights. You catch that glassy, confused look in her eyes during her performance? I’ve seen that in two other places: concussed wrestlers and actresses at the Oscars who took one too many Xanax before the show.
In short, it was a disaster that was less of a comeback and just one more chapter of the story that is "Britney's Worst Year Ever". When even P. Diddy and 50 Cent are visibly embarrassed on your behalf, it’s time to step away. You won’t even play Casino Rama or Branson Missouri with that quality of performance.
I’m sure Britney is not coping well with the fallout (Sarah Silverman’s monologue alone would send anyone to put their head in the oven) and is wondering what the hell to do. I’m paraphrasing a few things that I read off other blogs, but here’s my advice Brit. Put down the bottle of Jack Daniels and listen:
Take 3 years off. Hide, enter the witness protection program if needed, just disappear. Keep a low profile, cut out the clubbing and concentrate on raising your kids and getting healthy. Stay out of the damned tabloids. You’re a mother, not a child. When enough time has passed and you’ve gotten yourself back together, you see if Timbaland is free and then you make a comeback.
Take the advice or leave it, but at this rate you’re going to end up as another Anna Nicole.
Oh, one more thing: for God's sake, buy some underwear and don't leave the house without putting some on! I do not need to see that ever again. It looked angry and sad at the same time.
You know the word “dignity”? That was the complete opposite of that word.
Ms. Spears staggered about the stage with no energy or enthusiasm. She couldn’t muster the energy to lip-sync, let alone dance. She gyrated like some drunken aunt at a wedding. She chose to wear a completely unflattering and inappropriate outfit that highlighted the fact she's not the taunt teen-aged sexpot she used to be, and she can’t find time to fit the gym between rounds of clubbing and PR disasters. Her song isn’t that good, she hasn’t had a hit since Toxic, and opening the MTV video awards was supposed to be her rising like a phoenix from the ashes. Instead, she self-immolated into a parody of her former self. I kept expecting her to just stop halfway through the opening, mutter “what the hell am I doing up here?” and wander off. Frankly, I think we kind of hoped that would happen. It was awkward and embarrassing. This is the point where Britney goes beyond the amusement of schadenfreude and is simply just a sad spectacle.
No one is looking out for this woman’s best interests. By all reports the number was hastily thrown together after the venue vetoed the smoke and mirrors magic number she was to do with illusionist Criss Angel. She was going to have to be followed by the notoriously vicious comedian Sarah Silverman. Someone, anyone, should have just said, “Stop. You aren’t ready, and this will do more harm than good. You have to know that everyone will be talking about this tomorrow morning. Think of your reputation. Think of your kids.” Instead she went out there looking like a deer in the headlights. You catch that glassy, confused look in her eyes during her performance? I’ve seen that in two other places: concussed wrestlers and actresses at the Oscars who took one too many Xanax before the show.
In short, it was a disaster that was less of a comeback and just one more chapter of the story that is "Britney's Worst Year Ever". When even P. Diddy and 50 Cent are visibly embarrassed on your behalf, it’s time to step away. You won’t even play Casino Rama or Branson Missouri with that quality of performance.
I’m sure Britney is not coping well with the fallout (Sarah Silverman’s monologue alone would send anyone to put their head in the oven) and is wondering what the hell to do. I’m paraphrasing a few things that I read off other blogs, but here’s my advice Brit. Put down the bottle of Jack Daniels and listen:
Take 3 years off. Hide, enter the witness protection program if needed, just disappear. Keep a low profile, cut out the clubbing and concentrate on raising your kids and getting healthy. Stay out of the damned tabloids. You’re a mother, not a child. When enough time has passed and you’ve gotten yourself back together, you see if Timbaland is free and then you make a comeback.
Take the advice or leave it, but at this rate you’re going to end up as another Anna Nicole.
Oh, one more thing: for God's sake, buy some underwear and don't leave the house without putting some on! I do not need to see that ever again. It looked angry and sad at the same time.
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5 comments:
Ever dance in stilettos, Jason?
I have no love for Britney Spears. But honestly, from what I saw in this vid, her dancing didn't seem that bad, whether her shoe heel actually broke or if she indeed OD on Xanax. Or a combination of both.
Um, no I don't recall having danced in stillettos. OK so that's two poor costume choices for a musical comeback: stiletto boots and a bikini. Does that outfir work for the Pusseycat Dolls exclusively? Maybe the "Elvis Comeback Special" suit would have worked better. Actually, a tailored version of that suit would have been quite a clever choice.
I thought her dancing was bad compared to, say, her back-up dancers. It seemed like she was stumbling and just wasn't putting any energy into it. It occurs to me that there's always been something onstage to distract from her dancing: a python, french kissing Madonna.
Hey hang on a second ... have you ever danced in stilletos blue haired girl? ;)
Having danced in four inch heels, I can attest to how hard it is to do :) Imagine, on top of that, you have an old knee injury that makes you slightly less stable (I have an ankle injury to add to my wobble-factor)
To everyone who said she was too fat/not taunt enough, they seem to remember she's not 18 anymore, and has had 2 kids in recent years. I'd rather see her with some curves than rake-thin - you have to wonder what those starlets who go back to their pre-pregnancy figures mere weeks after giving birth are doing to themselves and their health. Maybe she could have hit the gym harder, but I think she needs to work on her mental health first.
Sarah Silverman is just mean. She's like the insecure bitchy girl in elementary school who makes fun of others in the hopes that no one notices her inadequacies.
Now you're trashing her outfit? I've seen worse.
Maybe it's just me; I don't care what Spears does with her life. If she's strutting around in a bikini or drunkenly stumbling on stage, whatever. But to criticize her dancing this way when her shoe (possibly) broke, hindering her performance, is unfair.
Of course I've danced in stilettos, like every other good Canadian girl. "It's just bred into you when you're a Canadian."
Some of the
Branson shows were really so much better than the performance she gave.
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