Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Here are 10 highlights from Esquire magazine’s "10 Things You Don’t Know About Women" column, written each month by a genuine honest to goodness woman-type actress. Guys will find at least one useful thing here, but probably more than one:

  1. When a hot woman walks by and we ask if she's your type, refrain from saying things like "Nah, I like a woman with a little meat on her bones" as you give us a squeeze. (Jane Krakowski, “30 Rock”)
  2. Don't bother with the G-spot until you've mastered the A, B, C, D, E, and F-spots. (Molly Shannon, “Year of the Dog”)
  3. We're way more vulgar than you. We just aren't as loud. (Judy Greer, “Arrested Development”)
  4. When you hug a woman at the end of a date, if you have any romantic intentions whatsoever, do not “bro-pat” her on the back. (Minnie Driver, “The Riches”)
  5. Most of us respond favorably to even the most diminutive gesture of compassion. You will find that when provoked by, say, a simple card or a kind phone call, our capacity for forgiveness and benevolence could blow your mind. Yes, we are different from you in some ways, but we do possess resilient hearts that long to connect with you on a level that transcends mere gender. But come on, no balloon bouquets. What do you think this is? (Stacey Grenrock Woods, “The Daily Show”)
  6. If we ignore you, it's not because we hate you. It might just be that we're in love with you and our gut is telling us that if we don't kiss you soon, we'll die. So we do everything to avoid the possibility of being rejected by you. It's preemptive. We're terrified. (Maria Bello, “The Cooler”, “History of Violence”)
  7. When we say, "Oh, nothing," ask us what's wrong three more times. After that, you're off the hook. We're just being a headache and you should give up anyway. (Lauren Graham, “Gilmore Girls”)
  8. Laughter and listening: These are the two bridges between your planet and ours. Do both with us often and we'll love you like crazy. (Annabeth Gish, “Brotherhood”)
  9. Occasionally tell a funny girl you love her for her looks, and a pretty girl for her brains. (Caroline Rhea, comedian)
  10. We can make a "celebrity safe list" if you want. But I am way more likely to get Patrick Dempsey to f*ck me in a bathroom than you are to get Lindsay Lohan to suck you off in your car. (Jenna Fischer, “The Office”)
  11. Okay, wait. Maybe not Lindsay Lohan. But you know what I mean. (Jenna Fischer, “The Office”)